One year ago, with the world rapidly changing around me, I stepped away from active ministry with a new calling. I dedicated one year to visiting churches, going to denominations and faiths that I knew very little about, and embracing them.
I would be an outsider, and maybe find my new church home on the journey.
I was working as a hospice chaplain. I had a Catholic patient named Johnny who enjoyed telling me that his church was the Ƶone true churchƵ and that I didnƵt even pray the LordƵs Prayer right!
The man was dying and heƵs my elder so I respectfully agreed with everything he said, and promised to give 6 weeks to becoming a Catholic. He was pleased and gave me tips.
I was nervous as I entered my first Catholic church because the beautiful building was so imposing. I was a few minutes early for mass, but the church was already full and unison prayers were being spoken. I heard Hail Mary, and Our Father, which were being led by a single voice somewhere in the pews.
Then, a bell is rung in the distance. The atmosphere in the church changes. All murmuring ceases and the word of God, taken straight from the Bible is read, recited, sung, listened to. Everyone stands, sits, or kneels at the cushioned prayer rails that are in each pew, demonstrating respect, humility or attention and it is all toward God. There are no greeters at the door or visitor welcome, no announcements, nothing matters except the table in the front of the room, and the words that fill the air.
The priest does not speak many words of his own. In fact his sermon is called a ƵhomilyƵ which is about 5-10 minutes of personal reflection on the dayƵs primary scripture passage. But what he does do is preside over The LordƵs Table, and the presence of God is so real that with faith the size of a mustard seed, you could swear that the body of Jesus is present at that table.
The Catholics celebrate Communion each week, and the priest sets the table and prepares for this service as if he is handling Christ himself. Each folded napkin and crumb of bread is delicately handled, making the common objects infinitely precious.
Everyone present is remembering how Jesus died. He was guilty of nothing, and died for all of us, and love seems to emanate from the glowing white linens of the table. The ceremony is ancient and beautiful.
The Catholics have a closed Communion table. This means that if you are not a member of a Catholic church, in good standing, you are not permitted to share in the bread and wine at mass. As an outsider, I knew that we are welcome to go to the priest, with our arms crossed over our chest, and he will give a blessing instead of bread.
This I did, for six weeks. Attending, but not partaking in communion. I wouldnƵt dare.
The awe inspiring reverence and Holiness of God can be felt in the ancient tradition of Communion, but I had to be a member.
I wonƵt lie. I wanted that bread and wine. Jesus feels so real in the Catholic Church, and transubstantiation is so fascinating- what if the bread really does become the body, and the wine really does become blood within the believer?
IƵm so transfixed by the idea of Jesus setting a dinner table and asking me to come and eat with him that I donƵt care what heƵs serving. Break me off a piece of that.
Once again, I found myself deciding that I was destined to become a Catholic. I was truly distracted from my mission of visiting churches for a year by a yearning to drink from Ƶthe Holy GrailƵ cup at a closed communion table.
Becoming Catholic is not so simple. Remaining in good standing also takes effort. And one simply does not just decide to become Catholic, for communion. Alas.
I was feeling called to visit the Methodist Church next, and moved on without fanfare.
Since my presence wasnƵt announced, and it is possible to come and go from church without getting to know anyone, I moved on with ease.
But the rhythm in the traditions and the hum of an organ resounds in my heart when I say The LordƵs prayer, now. The way Johnny said is the Ƶright wayƵ:
Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come, thy will be done On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us; And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. Amen.
Final note: Johnny is still living, 12 months past his doctorƵs predicted expiration date. Perhaps heƵs right.